I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
