You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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