One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
