Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Couch. On fire.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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