it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
