please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my poor anus
Drake has all the answers
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
