his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
