I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
