Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
