Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
