We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
