3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
