Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
