I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
