my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
