No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
