At least make sure they are 18
Why
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
