i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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