break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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