Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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