Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
