I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
