So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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