Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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