Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
