I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Send help, water and tortillas.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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