I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
