My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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