Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
