God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
a search helicopter?!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
