no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
