I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Shame - the story of my life.
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