I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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