Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
