I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
