i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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