is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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