47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
