I met the friendliest cop last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
