I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I forget how to act sober
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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