I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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