Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
