just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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