I love having hate sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize