I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
