Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
