the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
