If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
