Screwed.edu
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
