I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
