I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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