he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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