you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
