i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
