idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize