I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
