well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
