New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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