You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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