Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
