I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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