my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
