u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
