New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He told me they were just razor bumps!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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