just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
