The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
