You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My vagina just recognized that song.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
