Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
