Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
